The following story plays in München, Germany. However, this is as close as I will get to dox the involved parties. Skoda as a whole should learn from this as generic input on how to improve their service and retain their customers, but I do not intent to somehow damage the business of any involved dealerships or even individual sales reps. Please respect this decision and do not contact me for more details.

So you decide to lease a top-of-the-line Skoda: a fully-kitted Skoda Kodiak. front and rear seat heating, steering wheel heating, all the of assists you ever imagined you never needed: like lane assist, automatic sign recognition, adaptive cruise control, and even the panoramic sunroof, With a total list price being somewhere on the higher side between 50 and 60k euros.

We had nice cars before, even higher-range cars, like our previous Audi. But we were very satisfied with driving the Kodiak, and we will both miss not having it. It's near to impossible in Europe to find another car that that so much space inside, and I'm not only talking about the trunk but also inside there is a more than comfortable amount of space even when sitting in the rear. It had enough power, and the 4×4 has saved me from getting stuck on numerous occasions. All in all well worth the money that this car cost, really is!

After 3 years (and paying a massive leasing rate each month) it was, unfortunately, time to return the car, and we didn't yet decide what (and from where) the next car would be. Thus we decided to drive around town in our second car for a while, before making any decision just yet. The perfect opportunity for Skoda to show us how much they have valued our customership and show us that their customer service is equally good as their cars…

You guessed it already, this is where some massive cracks start to show.

• Sales rep responsiveness: The last few times we talked to Skoda in regards to choosing a new car, doing the last few services, and eventually discussing leasing a new car from Skoda. The sales reps were so hard to reach that more than once it took us several emails and up to 6 calls to get hold of someone to assist us with these topics. Even though we have been promised several times by the kind lady at the reception that our sales rep would call us back “pronto”: never happened. Yo, dude!! I want to give you my money, please help me do so unless you are not interested in my money anymore??
• In the middle of nowhere: that is where you can return your car to Skoda in case you do not immediately lease a new one. It took us 1 hour to get there, about 1 hour to deal with the paperwork etc, and finally roughly 2 hours to get back by public transport. That is half a working day that I lost in addition. But to make up for this the Skoda rep gave us a free public transport ticket, and even drove us to the nearby train station so we didn't have to walk 20 minutes… or did he? no: obviously since you return your car you are no longer a customer and you no longer need caring for! Thanks, Skoda! you really go above and beyond to make this a perfect experience for your customers.
• every last euro: That they can somehow claim from you is being taken doesn't matter how silly. After 3 years there was obviously some wear and tear on the car, Both on the interior and exterior, no question that we pay for the repair of the few small dents from other people hitting us with their doors and a few small scratches. This is normal and not an issue. But do you really need to make us pay for polishing the car around the door handles etc to remove even the slightest indication that this is now a used car after 3 years and several 10 thousand kilometers? questionable… What really takes the piss though is that on a car that has a remaining value of almost 50k you need to charge me for the fact that the tire repair kit has gone over its best-by-date. If you are really this desperate for money you might as well have given us a better customer experience and maybe we would have leased another one of your cars.

Thanks Skoda ¯\_(ツ)_/¯